When we are younger there are a million and one things that influence our thought patterns, world perspectives, and ideologies. While many think that your first marriage takes place when you say I do on the altar the actual day of your wedding, the truth is for most of us we say I do way before we even meet a potential spouse. We say I do from young ages based on what we saw our parents do and not do; based on how society influenced us, based on the environment we grew up in. Don’t get me wrong there is nothing wrong with standards and knowing what you want, however most of us miss God’s blessings to us because what we want doesn’t look like what was in out head for all these years. I have created a list for the 5 reason why I divorced the person in my head and why you should too.
1. I kept missing out of great potential spouses because of it-
I have had the opportunity to meet and go on dates with some of the world’s greatest women. They were smart, had great careers, loved the Lord, but they did not match what I had in my mind. The Bible says Proverbs 18:22 says “He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord”. In addition to there being a searching that takes place by the “He” or man, I believe that God will let you choose who you want to marry and will bless your decision because he doesn’t force anyone to marry another person. However I do also believe that when you divorce the person that in your head you allow God assist in the searching process to bring someone to you beyond what your eyes have seen or heard as it pertains to marriage!
2. I wasted a lot of time-
I wasted women’s time and I got my time wasted as well. The women I thought I wanted weren’t right for me. They took me for granted, they cheated, lied, and etc. The women who could have possibly been right for me I didn’t pay attention to because they may have been missing something minor and I turned the other way due to my pickiness. I learned that true love is not when you can love a person for what potential you think they have, true love is when you can love them for where they actually are! The truth of the matter is your potential spouse may be right in your face, but your shallow comparisons; and self maybe blind to it.
3. What I thought I wanted actually wasn’t good for me-
As I stated earlier the women I wanted all have losing records with me and my heart. I experienced unnecessary hurt, pain, and trauma. One of the signs (This is not always the case) that you may be in a relationship that you more than likely don’t belong in is when you are trying to convince others why you guys are good together. Everyone is telling you “No” but you marriage in your head has you blind. Usually those end up in disaster for you. That was me; I was in a relationship and my family begged me to get out of the dysfunctional relationship but I refused because she was who I wanted. Long story short… I ended up hurt. Take my word for it.
4. I thought happiness came from being in a relationship-
A lot of times there are insecurities within us that cause us to be with and desire people who mean us no good. If we are miserable being single what makes us think for any second that someone else even if they completely match our list in our heads would make us happy. True happiness comes from within. The thing I like about truth is you can pretend for social media to be happy, but you can never hide it from yourself. If you are single now take this time to travel and see the world, have fun, love yourself and take yourself out on dates.
5. Set unreal expectations-
The type of expectations you have created for the person in reality nobody not even Jesus himself can fulfill because you are centered around them. Its all about yourself. Again standards are standards but wanting a man who is exactly 8 feet tall, a president, and with black hair isn’t real. With your list make what you want him or her to be like and let God do the rest!